Limey Louts and their genocide

Grey Squirrels and Limey Genocide
This Green Food thing is getting out of hand
By Seamus O’Blaymus
They are killing defenseless Grey Squirrels in Great Britain.
They are killing them for food.
They are calling Grey Squirrels the next ethical meal.
Retired British colonels, dressed in pukkah regimental garb from India circa 1961, have taken to the streets with vintage carbines, locked and loaded for squirrel.
They take the dead Grey Squirrels to local butchers and specialty shops, which then sell the inexpensive meat, touting ethical determinants.
Because the Grey Squirrel is not indigenous but imported from North America, and because they are usurping territory formerly held by the native British Red Squirrel, many rodent racists are even saying that it’s good for the country.
The thinning of the Grey Squirrel herd seen through a funky prism could be viewed without prejudice as genocide.
But trust the Limeys to forego such blandishment. They argue that the meat is cheap and free range.
Business is booming – forgive the pun.
So, harsh economic times, the Green food movement and neo-racist tendencies are ipso facto contributing to our poor Grey Squirrel’s rapid demise.
I am paraphrasing here good readers. I’m Irish. I’m allowed.
A Charter called the Divine Right of Louts, Boors and Staggering Poets, giving free reign for me and my Blarney Tribe to spout, sputter and stutter sweeping suppositions, was penned in Dublin back in 1645 and was upheld by Papal Decree in 1647.
It’s shocking. A headline from the London Observer shouts: “The Ultimate ethical meal: A Grey Squirrel. It tastes sweet, like a cross between lamb and duck. And it's selling as fast as butchers can get it.”
Not since Churchill ordered hard rain on Dresden, as reproach for an equally debauched Nazi boondoggle on Coventry, have I heard such an outrageous assault on good sense and common decency emanating from the British Isles.
Well, there was that Falklands thing and that lamentable string of mass executions in India, but that’s just me spitballing. (See Divine Right of Louts, Boors and Staggering Poets.)
It’s as if the Brits, still pining hard over the recent legislated loss of their precious and pernicious fox and hounds hunt privileges have morphed into zombie mode. Bloodlust apparently runs free on the streets of London, Liverpool and Leeds.
Sad, sad, sad. Mad Brits devouring poor Grey Squirrels for fun and profit. It’s a fad gone viral.
“The Grey Squirrel, the American cousin of Britain's endangered red variety, is flying off the shelves faster than hunters can shoot them, with game butchers struggling to keep up with demand,” reports the Guardian.
“We put it on the shelf and it sells. It can be a dozen squirrels a day - and they all go,” said David Simpson, the director of Kingsley Village shopping center in Fraddon, Cornwall, whose game counter sells ever expanding amounts of Grey Squirrel meat.
“It's low in fat, low in food miles and completely free range. In fact, some claim that Sciurus carolinensis - Grey Squirrel - is about as ethical a dish as it is possible to serve on a dinner plate,” says the Guardian.
I blame the Greens and I blame the skinheads. The Grey Squirrel was brought to Great Britain from North America and we all know how those neo-nazi skinheads and jackboot loyalists like, well, like Prince Harry that fast-talking racist, and brown-shirt-sporting son-of-an-inbred-monarchist, for instance, feel about immigration policy.
While we’re on that topic. Prince Harry recently called one of his fellow soldiers a “raghead.” This after recently sporting a nazi shirt with swastika on Halloween. Hah! What a prince. Charming. Dropped lovingly from that weak-limbed Family Tree. With lamentably few branches to soften his fall.
And of course the Greens, those high-minded, low-life, populist iconoclasts, always looking for an ethical dilemma, have lunged upon this slaughter with unabashed abandon, relishing the fact that this may indeed pose a simple solution to the unethical slaughter of warehoused chickens and managed beef refineries.
Experts say the Grey Squirrel’s new-found popularity is partly due to its green credentials. “People like the fact it is wild meat, low in fat and local - so no food miles.”
Others offer sweeping genocide as argument for the cull.
Restaurateur David Ridley reckons that patriotism plays a big part since Red Squirrels, the indigenous variety, are threatened by the Greys. “Eat a Grey and save a Red. That’s the message,” laughs Ridley.
Four legs good, two legs bad. Animal Farm on steroids.
We know these Brits and their penchant for colonial paternalism. India, North America, Northern Island, Scotland, the Falklands, the list is long and nefarious.
Nice to know that the British people can still revert to form, still bring the weight of a pistol-toting monarchy to bear on the weak, the downtrodden and the defenseless.
Save our Grey Squirrel dear readers. Boycott that trip to London and write a letter to the UN. These Grey Squirrels deserve our support.
Write, blog and speak out against the rampant Grey Squirrelicide.
Remember what Gandhi said, some time before rooting those Loathsome Limey Louts from India’s soil.
“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”
So help us save the Grey Squirrel. Can I get a fshizzle for a hunger strike?
And while we’re here.
Can we get that mumbling old Queen off our currency?
Replace her with our own mumbling old queen.
Steven Harper.