A Lazy Boy rises at dawn

Languid Landon takes a flyer
A Lazy Boy excursion run amok
By Terrance Gavan
In the town of Halcyon and beyond he was known mostly as Languid Landy.
His real name was Landon Jeans-Jacques Thoreau and he migrated to Halcyon, Manitoba after one stint in the Vietnam War back in 1968. He was a former pilot.
My first assignment with the Halcyon Packet and Times back in 1985 was an interview with Languid Landy who had something up his sleeve for July 1st weekend.
I arrived at his ranch on a sunny day mid-June. “Follow me,” said Landy, steering me toward a brown leather Lazy Boy recliner sitting just behind the shed in the back of his Ford pickup.
The truck was surrounded by a wide assortment of large balloons.
“What’s this?” I smiled, looking closer at the Lazy Boy. It was on a pedestal and on the platform were several impeccably soldered weld joints with hooks attached.
“This is my Canada Day project,” said Landy. “I bought 50 weather balloons and I’ll be filling them with helium and attaching them to the Lazy Boy on July 1st. I’ll be up there for most of the day with my camera, snapping pictures of the parade, the pancake breakfast and the ball tournament at Halcyon Field.”
“How do you know how high this thing will go?” I asked.
“High enough,” laughed Landy. “Oh I figure about 100 feet. I’ll have a cooler of beer, sandwiches a two-way radio and my pellet gun for the return to terra firma. Besides, I used to pilot jet fighters for the US Navy, so I think I can handle a Lazy Boy at 100 feet.”
Languid Landy’s launch proceeded on point, and at 6 am on Saturday July 1st, about 500 interested onlookers had gathered at the Halcyon baseball diamond.
Tommy Sigfusson was busy at a bank of four helium tanks, filling the balloons and attaching them to the central tether. The Jonasson twins were hard at it, checking the grounding straps that held the Lazy Boy to the bed of Landy’s Ford pickup. Landy was tying down his cooler, camera, and radio to the pedestal. The pellet gun was tucked alongside.
As the balloons were added, I noticed the suspension on the anchored truck lifting. It looked ominous to my untrained eye.
I approached Languid Landy. “Are you sure you did the math on this?” I asked.
“Hah, math, schmath,” laughed Landy. “I did some rough figuring on a napkin. No problem, 33 cubic feet of helium each should get me up to 100 feet. I’m a former top gun pilot … remember?”
Halcyon Mayor Sigmur Peturson was on hand to perform the countdown
“See you all at 4 pm,” said Languid Landy, strapping himself into his Lazy Boy. Ragnur Sigmundson was ready in the bed of the pickup with a machete in hand; ready to cut the tethering rope.
“Three, two, one … liftoff!” yelled Mayor Peturson.
And Languid Landy lifted off. An understatement.
It was visually stunning. Landy and his Lazy Boy rocketed toward near space at what I can only assume to be mach one.
“Holy crap,” screamed Ragnur who was thrown from the back of the still shuddering Ford pickup.
Five hundred heads snapped heavenward as one - some of the older residents later complained about whiplash.
Up and up Landy went. Up past the 100-foot target; he passed 5,000 at a clip; soared past 10,000 in a wink; and finally leveled off at 15,000 feet. It was beautiful, I swear to god. It was like he was shot from a gun.
Details get a little shaky after that. Because his only safety net, the pellet gun, shook loose 50 feet into his upward journey. I ran to the radio in the truck cab.
“Larry, where are you?” I screamed into the mike. “I’m leveled at about 15,130 feet according to my altimeter, and I think my gun is missing,” said Landy. “Get me the hell down, it’s cold up here.”
We scrambled four Cessnas from Halcyon field and Thor Gudmundson was the first to spot Languid Landy. Fortunately, Thor had gone up with a rifle.
Unfortunately for Languid Landy it was a twelve gauge double-barreled shotgun with double aught magnum loads.
Thor leveled off, took aim, and let loose with both barrels at the weather balloons holding Languid Landy and his Lazy Boy aloft.
The spread of buckshot popped 43 of the 50 balloons.
Languid Landy had gone up in a hurry. He headed down at about twice the speed.
Miraculously, Languid Landy’s Lazy Boy slowed down and leveled off at about 400 feet. Three of the remaining seven balloons seemed to have suffered collateral damage and were drooping.
He was floating just above Halberston’s Pond when 15 town sharpshooters arrived with the small caliber arms.
Anxious to get poor Landy back to earth the marksmen took aim. Unfortunately no care was taken to organize the firing sequence, and all 15 shooters opened fire at once.
All, save one, of the remaining 7 balloons went pop and Languid Landy and his Lazy Boy succumbed to gravity dropping quickly into the middle of Halberston’s Pond where he was quickly retrieved by the Halcyon Fire and Rescue squad.
The North American Air Defense (NORAD) scrambled four fighters to Halcyon on Canada Day 1985, responding to UFO reports given by two Japan Air pilots who, on approach to Winnipeg International, had to veer to avoid Landy and his Lazy Boy.
Languid Landy was a celebrity for about a week.
He became a local hero, and went on to become the Mayor of Halcyon, a position he still holds.
He presides over the meetings from an old battered and weather-beaten brown Lazy Boy recliner.
On the desk of his office sits a plaque with a picture – one I took – of his Lazy Boy rocketing skyward.
On the plaque, the simple inscription with arrow pointing to the weather balloons:
“The Buckshot Stops Here.”